It Takes A Village to Nurture a Marriage: Keeping Your Relationship Strong After Baby

Becoming a parent is one life’s greatest joys but it can change your relationship with your partner. Suddenly, conversations are about feeding schedules, sleep routines, and whose turn it is to change the next diaper. In the midst of it all, you might look at your partner and wonder, “When was the last time we just talked?”. 

Whether you're feeling more like co-managers than a couple or just missing those small moments of closeness, know that you're not alone. This post is here to offer gentle reminders, practical support, and real advice on keeping your relationship strong after baby.

From sleep deprivation to fluctuating hormones, identity shifts to piles of laundry - it’s no surprise that many couples feel disconnected in the first year of parenthood. Even though it’s common, it doesn't’ make it easy. 

Why is it harder to connect after a baby? Because everything is new. You’re both exhausted. Your energy is focused on keeping your bub alive. The routines that once held your relationship together have been replaced with round-the-clock caregiving.

This season is full of change but it can also be a time of growth for your relationship if you know where to start.

One of the biggest hidden stressors for new parents is the “mental load” - the invisible work of remembering, planning, and managing all the thing - remembering when the next feeding is, scheduling doctor appointments, anticipating outgrown clothes, and more. It’s a huge source of stress, and often one partner (usually moms) ends up carrying more than the share. When that load falls unevenly, it can lead to resentment, frustration, and emotional distance.

What helps prevent resentment and frustration?

• Have honest, judgment-free check-ins about what’s feeling heavy/too much
• Use shared calendars or to-do lists so the mental weight is visible
• Appreciate each other’s effort. Remember, validation goes a long way.

Sometimes, it starts with something as simple as saying, “I’ve got the laundry today” without being asked. Or taking over the morning routine so the other parent can sleep in. Or even just acknowledging the effort your partner is putting in: “Thank you for organizing the bottles. I know that takes time.”

These seemingly small moments say, I see you, and I’m in this with you. And over time, they rebuild a sense of partnership not just in parenting, but in everything.

They say when a baby is born, a parent is born too. And it’s true - becoming a parent is a total transformation. You're not just learning how to care for your baby but you're also learning who you are now, and who your partner is becoming.

You might be surprised by how differently you each experience parenthood. One of you may dive headfirst into routines and planning, while the other needs time to adjust. One might crave structure, the other, space. It can be easy to feel like you’re growing apart but often, you’re just growing in new directions.

This season invites you to relearn each other not as the people you were before baby, but as the people you’re becoming.

Ways to reconnect as new versions of yourselves:

• See the new in each other. Look for the quiet strengths your partner is showing up with. Maybe they’re incredibly patient at 2 a.m. Or they know exactly how to calm your baby when no one else can. Celebrate those things.
• Protect a shared ritual. Whether it’s a morning coffee, a shared walk, or 10 minutes of quiet connection before bed — carve out something small that belongs to just the two of you.
• Talk about more than the baby. Share a podcast episode, an article, a funny story — anything that reminds you of your shared interests and inside jokes.

Your relationship is evolving. And while it might look different, with intention and love, it can grow into something even deeper.

The saying “it takes a village to raise a child” is well known but what’s less talked about is how much parents need that village, too. Not just to help with baby, but to help protect your connection as a couple.

When you’re in survival mode, even the idea of spending time together might feel impossible. That’s where support - your village - comes in.

Support for your relationship might look like:

• A family member babysitting so you can go on a walk and talk uninterrupted
• A friend texting to check in on you, not just the baby
• Joining a parenting group where you can share what’s hard and feel seen
• Someone dropping off food so you don’t default to takeout-fueled stress arguments

You don’t have to do it all on your own. Letting people help doesn’t mean you’re failing — it means you’re making space for your relationship to breathe.

And if you don’t have a built-in village? That’s okay. You can build one, one person or resource at a time (we cover that in our blog post).

If you’re too tired to even think about date nights, you’re not alone. The good news is that connection doesn’t have to be grand to be meaningful especially during the newborn and toddler years.

Think of these as micro-moments of connection like:

• A 6-second hug. Research shows that even this brief touch releases oxytocin (the bonding hormone).
• A “high and low” of the day. Do it during dinner or bedtime. It opens the door to emotional intimacy and gives insight into each other’s inner world.
• Phone-free time. Pick 10 minutes in the evening to set phones aside and just be together — even in silence.
• Shared humour. Send memes, laugh about the chaos, or reminisce about something ridiculous from pre-baby life. Laughter is powerful glue.

The goal isn’t to recreate your old routines but it’s to create new ways of being close in this new season of parenthood.

One of the most common sources of relationship stress after baby is feeling like the workload isn’t shared fairly especially when one parent becomes the “default” caregiver.

Fair doesn’t mean 50/50 every day. It means both partners feel supported and seen.

Here’s how to start:

• Have a weekly check-in. Talk about what’s feeling heavy, what’s going well, and where you could use more help. Keep it short and regular — like a 15-minute “state of the union.”
• Try time-based shifts. One parent handles mornings, the other takes bedtime. Or split nights so one person gets solid rest every other night.
• Make the invisible visible. Use a shared calendar or checklist for things like appointments, restocking diapers, or daycare prep. When the load is seen, it’s easier to share.
• Switch roles when possible. If one of you usually handles meals and the other bath time, try switching it up. Empathy grows through experience.

And remember: partnership isn’t about perfection — it’s about mutual effort and respect.

Sometimes, love isn’t the issue but communication is. And if resentment, disconnection, or recurring conflict is getting in the way, it may be time to bring in a third party.

Signs you may want to talk to a therapist or counselor:

• You’re arguing more often than not
• Conversations feel like they always turn into tension
• One or both of you feels unheard, unappreciated, or lonely in the relationship
• You’ve lost emotional or physical intimacy and don’t know how to get it back

Therapy can help you:

• Learn to communicate more effectively
• Understand each other’s emotional needs
• Rebuild trust, teamwork, and connection

There’s no shame in needing help. Just as you'd ask for support in parenting, your relationship deserves the same care.

You’re doing so much - and your best. You’re growing a family, learning on the go, and loving deeply even on days that feel stretched thin.

Your relationship may feel different than it did before baby. That’s not a bad thing. It just means it’s evolving. And like anything worth nurturing, it takes time, patience, and support.

So if you’re longing for more connection, more balance, or just a reminder that you’re not alone then this is it.